Saturday, June 13, 2009

Is Barack Obama the One True Fishgod?

I've been meditating on my new role as a tribal elder and High Priestess in the Salmon Nation. After I learned my people have been claimed by the great white fathers of a new sustainable salmon nation (EcoTrust, a UN NGO), I realized just how far these global change agents will take their sick joke. Almost immediately afterwards I was struck by the realization that I can be whoever I want to be in this theatrical production put on by the communitarians. If Etzioni can call himself our guru, then I can rewrite my role in this farce and say I was ordained by grandfather King Salmon and ritually purified on the Copper River during high Solstice 2008.

I am concerned that Obama the Messiah is an imposter. What if he actually belongs to the Cult of the Dead Fish? Then again, maybe he's the Messiah for people who worship the ancient Greek half-man, half-fish god Nereus. According to the editors at Wiki, "Nereus was known for his truthfulness and virtue." Ophra Winfrey says basically the same thing about Obama. Hmmm.

Or heaven forbid, what if he's Oannes, the Babylonian half-man half-fish god, sent by Ea to deliver unto us the ever changing art of civilization?

Some Priestess I'd make. I was wrong to assume the Salmon god would be Dagon. He isn't just a fish god as it turns out :

Dagon was a major northwest Semitic god, reportedly of grain and agriculture. He was worshipped by the early Amorites and by the inhabitants of the cities of Ebla and Ugarit (which was an ancient city near the Mediterranean containing a large variety of ancient writings and pagan shrines). He was also a major member, or perhaps head, of the pantheon of the Biblical Philistines.

His name appears in Hebrew as דגון (in modern transcription Dagon, Tiberian Hebrew Dāḡôn), in Ugaritic as dgn (probably vocalized as Dagnu), and in Akkadian as Dagana, Daguna usually rendered in English translations as Dagan.
Ancient religions are very confusing to me, almost as confusing as the modern ones. Is this what my mother meant when she asked me to have faith in Obama?

Exit Stage Right

photos from

“Seeing God as eminent in all of creation, then we should not speak of a connection between Spirit and nature—they are one; God is the fish, God is the tree”


Anonymous said...

Dad always told me "What ever you do, don't piss off the Salmon Gods"


P. Barnes said...

"God is the fish, God is the tree”
...and with a good Mepps spinner, can be dinner for three :)

Anonymous said...

Remember Captain Kangaroo? Remember Tom Terrific? "I'm Tom Terrific. Greatest Hero ever. Terrific is the name for me. Cause I'm so clever. I can be what I want to be. And if you'd like to see. Follow, come follow me."

Anonymous said...

John Hanson (1715-1783) was the first president (1780-1783) of the United States under the Confederation before the Oligarchs took power with the Constitution which allowed Bush to be president and the ownership of guns. Hanson was an Oldenburg Moor, a black nobleman, and like Elijah-Moses-Enoch-Baptist-Mahdi-Elvis, went to space on a fiery alien ship and never died. Hanson has returned as Obama to end the evil Oligarchy! This is why they could never find Obama's birth certificate! Danny Lazare is right to want to change this NRA chad Oligarch Constitution which allows the angry white talk radio males to object to Obama's berth certificate! We must impeach Scalia to disable the southern oligarchs of Calhoun, Corker, & Shelby and their demented Constitution. They have this evil bill of rights with rights for hate speech, guns, lobbyist blogging, campaign bribery, states, property, bonuses, and other oligarchic thievery that needs to end! Such euphemism, like when they call you boy as if they ever intend to call you man when you "grow"! This is why we must oppose oligarch-serving superstition by supporting one-state solutions in India-Packistain, Palestain-Isreal, Turkey-Grease, Creatia-Servia, Armeania-Asbyjean and Zahir-Condo. Then we can abolish greed and superstition across the globe with free psychiatric healthcare. We need to do domestically like we did in Servia, to teach these oligarchs they have no rights to be superstitious racists.

Bobby Garner said...

It's most interesting to see that you mentioned psychiatric healthcare as a companion to your Utopian wetdream. How fortunate that you thought of that, and just in the nick of time too, for if you believe that the Constitution is the problem, then you are obviously in need of it.

the tent lady said...